I Am Such a Dork

I just ordered some stuff for myself from one of my favorite stores. Seriously, it's kind of ridiculous how excited I get about ordering from them. I've always got a wish list of items I'd like, and every so often (usually when they've got free shipping offered) I put in an order. And now I just have to wait for my stuff to arrive!

What I'm most excited about this time is some bread pans. I've been using incorrectly sized pans for years, and I finally decided to get the 8 inch pans instead of continuing to use 9 inch pans. I hope to see improved results now!

I've also got a dough whisk coming, and I'm hoping it's as wonderful as it sounds. Assorted other goodies rounds out my order.

So yes, I think my enthusiasm for this officially makes me a dork. But that's ok, I'll admit to it.

Time Management

During a discussion at lunch today, I came to a sad realization. I can't do it all. Earth-shattering, I know.

I want to be able to do more. But it really hit me this afternoon that no matter how much I want it, I can't manage to do everything I'd like. I'm not sure why I'm having such a hard time accepting this, but there you have it.

Outside of the "have-to's" that I'd be happy not doing (house cleaning, grocery shopping, bill paying, etc.) there are four big areas where I choose to spend my time: pleasure reading, baking, blogging, and watching tv. I can do two of them easily. I can generally manage three of them when things aren't completely crazy on the home front (say, with a new baby or a husband disabled by a bad back and unable to do ANYTHING. It's been exhausting.) All four just doesn't happen.

My preference would be to drop tv. Other than Colts games and Top Chef I could skip it all and not miss it. But L really prefers me to watch some with him in the evenings, and so I do. This month it's pretty obviously been blogging that's been ignored. Actually, it's been baking too but that's due to L's injury requiring so much more time from me.

I'm debating how to handle it. So far I'm leaning towards lumping reading & blogging and alternating them; one day I do one and then next day the other. Or more likely, two days reading, one day blogging. That should hopefully keep my reading needs satisfied and still keep me writing (because I don't want to stop).

What I really need to do is stop the aimless internet surfing which I find myself doing at times. Why do I do that?

Obviously...

I'm not doing so well at regularly blogging right now. Can't imagine why.

Some of it is just that there isn't much going on in my life other than the obvious, taking care of G. And that isn't really very different day-to-day. Life at six weeks is about the same as it was at four weeks. I'm trying to get as much sleep as possible, and keep us fed and the house somewhat presentable. Beyond that... I've got nothing.

I am thinking about some bloggy changes. Not quitting the blog, just some changes...

I have lots of ideas of things I'd like to do, both online and in real life, but naptime is too short. And I have to remind myself that I've still been recovering from the c-section. At what point is that excuse too old to use anymore? Probably today, since I'm officially no longer "disabled" as far as work is concerned and I should have been back at work today. I still have another 6 weeks through FMLA, but if I couldn't take unpaid leave I'd have had to be back today.

Honestly, that seems completely crazy to me. In no way are either of us ready for me to be working full time again already. I am so grateful that I have the flexibility & didn't have to return so soon.

Six weeks. It's flown by. I'm sure the next six weeks will too.

I'm so blessed.

Happy Birthday to Me

Is it tacky to say that on my own blog? Despite the risk, I'm going to do it.

Because yeah, it is. And it's been a nice one. It included this, so how could it not be? And that was after a steak dinner and receiving some beautiful flowers, so it's definitely been nice. And there were cupcakes at work!

Real blog entries coming again soon. I have been sooooooo tired lately that I come home & just collapse. Twittering even has been beyond me. I should start drafting entries during lunch because then I might actually get something posted.

(And Jennifer, hope this counts as enough of a post to knock the cake picture off the top of your screen. Sorry for tormenting you with it for so long!)

I'm Looking Forward To...

(because when you can't think of anything else to write, lists are always easy)

1. This baby arriving!
   
   
2. Baby showers. Believe it or not, I'm having THREE of them! One at work (thanks Jennifer!), one with L's family, and one with L's friends. That makes it sound like I have no friends, doesn't it? Well, I don't really in this state outside of work, and they're already covered. I'm friendly with L's friends, but we're not close. It still kind of amazes me since I had no bridal shower(s). That's what I get for getting engaged immediately after moving to a new state - I had hardly met anyone here so...
   
   
3. Getting the baby's room finished. I must be nesting based on my excitement level over getting furniture arranged & all that.
   
   
4. Shopping for this baby. I've been waiting until the showers are done, so I know what I have & what I'll need but I so want to pick out a homecoming outfit for this little guy.
   
   
5. Telling everyone what his name will be! I know, we've done this to ourselves by deciding not to share before birth, but it's getting harder & harder for me not to share.
   
   
6. My birthday. I need to figure out (i.e. decide) what to ask for it.... Only a few more weeks!
   
   
7. Taking a cake decorating class with my friend Jennifer. How fun does that sound?!? Eventually I'd love to take additional classes from Jo-Ann like knitting, crochet, or sewing.
   
   
8. Getting a fancy manicure/pedicure at a nearby beauty school. Also with Jennifer. We really need to stop talking about it and just schedule it. Although I will admit, they also have a hair & scalp renewal treatment and stress relieving experience that both sound wonderful as well. It might be a tough choice.
   
   
9. Getting haircut. I am way overdue.
   
   
10. Finishing up some projects at work so I can leave with a clean(ish) slate.
    
    
11. Dinner. I'm making pita bread pizza and salad. The whole wheat pitas look delicious, and I've got some great veggies to make it a more interesting salad than just lettuce. Yum!
    
    
12. Strawberry pie. I've got the ingredients, I just have to get the energy to make it (before the strawberries go bad). Probably Saturday morning since it's really doubtful I will after work tomorrow, and I know it won't be tonight.
    
    
13. Summer fruits. I love love LOVE nectarines. I could eat them every day and I don't think I'd ever get tired of them. I certainly don't before their season ends. And the ones that are available the rest of the year don't even compare. And other summer fruits are good too.
    
    
14. Eating here. No plans on when this will happen, but I would love to get there soon. Mmmm, beef. Maybe I can talk Jennifer into going there with me before maternity leave starts. Jennifer??
    
    
15. Making homemade bagels. I'm just not yet sure which ones to try first. Or maybe I should try bialys instead?
    
    
16. Getting a good night's sleep tonight. Last night was not a good night, and I'm exhausted. I hope to sleep well tonight! The bed is already calling to me...
    
    
17. Heaven. :)

On Night-Owl-ness and Self-Discipline

What I find very frustrating about myself is that I am so naturally a night-owl, and I'm trying desperately to turn myself into an early-bird. My goal used to be to get up for work at 5:15, and have time to read the Bible and pray in addition to getting ready for work. Then leave for work at 6:30 so I'm at work shortly after 7:00 (or in the parking lot at least; it's another 10 minutes minimum to walk from my car through the parking area into the building and finally make it to my desk. 15 minutes if I've chosen my shoes poorly that morning).

This worked well enough, but the weekends just kill me - I so easily slip back into staying up too late, and I can't get up in the morning, so on Saturday and Sunday I sleep in, then I'm not tired to go to bed, then I stay up way too late on Sunday and Monday I really can't get up on time.

Let's not even talk about how Sunday and Monday night football or baseball games mess with my schedule. If for no other reason than evening sports on TV, I wish I was in the Pacific or Mountain time zone instead of Eastern.

And none of this even takes into account what happened when morning sickness struck with a vengeance and I so quickly had to shift my work schedule to accommodate the daily vomiting sessions. I'm doing much better with that, but I haven't been able to get back to my previous schedule. Hence the "used to be" above. I haven't thrown up in the morning in a couple of weeks, but I haven't been able to get back to getting up before 7:30 at the earliest!

Self-discipline has never been one of my strengths and I think this is just one aspect of it. And I'm about to the point of making it a priority to work on this; I've got to get better control over myself and stop slipping into the bad habit of staying up too late because it just messes up my entire week.

Update

No, I haven't disappeared entirely or given up on blogging. I've just been sick/recovering from being sick/trying to accomplish more pressing things that got ignored when I was sick or recovering. January was a rough month. Lots of vomiting still and exhaustion and even pain which kind of freaked me out at times. Until I read about round ligament pain and realized that it was normal. Unpleasant, but normal.

I think maybe I'm finally feeling better.

Which is kind of funny in a way because I'm still recovering from a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad... cold. (even though I use the phrase I didn't really like the book. I still love the phrase). I missed 3 days of work last week, and have spent most of the weekend still crashed on the couch, although I did occasionally manage to switch rooms.

My diet has been bad since last Tuesday as both L & I have been ill so we've been scrounging whatever we can find easily and that doesn't require much effort other than opening or pouring. Fortunately we had plenty of milk since we've both had at least one bowl of cereal a day, and usually two. Vegetables have been pretty lacking, although I did have a little fruit most days. I managed to open a huge can of peaches and have been working my way through them. Poor baby, I hope it's getting enough nutrients from the fortified cereal and multivitamin.

In some ways the worst part of this sickness (besides worrying about how the baby was doing) was the fact that it quickly turned into a chest cold with all the coughing that usually includes. And unfortunately coughing usually led to me throwing up. Even if my stomach wasn't upset at all; the big coughs triggered enough of a gag reflex that almost immediately had me vomiting. So that was lots of fun.

We're both doing better today, and think that we'll both have recovered enough to get back to work on Monday.

I hope to get back to blogging regularly, and plan to resume pregnancy updates.

Fitness Failures

Yeah, so, I posted about my pushup program?

Haven't done it since.

I am a lazy, lazy person.

And I need to start over.

Real Life

I recently told a real-life friend about my blog.

Let me clarify, she knew I had the blog. I only now gave her the address.

This makes two friends in real-life who know about the blog. Telling the first one was hard enough - this one was even harder because she sees me regularly!

I still don't write anything assuming that I'm anonymous - I stumbled across a blog some time ago and figured out that I knew of the blogger - not her specifically, but we have some mutual acquaintances and I could have gotten her name in about 1 email. Since she blogged believing that she was completely anonymous and would probably have been horrified to know that wasn't exactly the case, I try to keep that in mind - maybe some lurker has already identified me and I need to never post anything that would be devastating if I was identified.

So why did I tell my friends about the blog if I'm sort-of trying to be anonymous? Well, because I wanted some accountability for what I write and both friends are Christians who will tell me if they see some problems or issues with my blogging.

And you know what? It feels good knowing that they're reading, even if it's infrequent. I'm so bad at emailing or calling so I like to think my friend who no longer lives around here is somewhat up-to-date on what's going on in my life this way. Since she sure won't stay that way if she's counting on me to write or call her to let her know.

Why I Blog

I've recently read some posts on why people blog and it's helping me to think through my thoughts and reasons for blogging, which were very fuzzy when I began this blog last year (after stopping and starting another one a couple of times).

I thought this was a great post and agreed with Zach quite a bit on some of the reasons why he blogs.

Practice writing. Writing is a skill just like anything else. The more you do the better you get. The ability to formulate ideas and thoughts in a concise and understandable way is a foundational facet of our civilization that I seek to improve in.

I can't say that I ever really think of writing being a foundational facet of our civilization, but I absolutely agree that I'm using it to improve my writing. I was completely out of the habit of writing and having the discipline to write at least *something* most days surely is helping me to improve. I hope anyway.

A place to document my thoughts. Oftentimes I don't know how I feel about an issue until I actually articulate it in a way that someone else could read and understand

I sort-of try to do this sometimes, although I find I'm still somewhat hesitant about putting some things out there. I think I should be doing this more, and need to stop being so chicken about stating an opinion on things.

A place to document other people's thoughts that I can easily access to in the future.

I haven't so far, but am thinking about doing this more as I can see it being really convenient. (And hence, this post build around Zach's post).

A context for community.

This is a big "maybe" for me - some of my efforts at "meeting" people via blog comments hasn't worked so well, but there's at least one blogger I met through comments who I do consider a blog friend (Hi Di!) I'd like to do better with this, and I know a lot of it (if not all of it) is on me - even knowing how much I enjoy getting comments, I'm still slow to comment oftentimes on other blogs.

Often I feel like any comments I have are silly or superficial or don't really add to a discussion, and it makes me hold back. And yes, I do know how ridiculous that sounds, especially when I just said how it makes my day when I get a comment, (any comment). Why do I imagine that other people will be criticizing my comments so much?

Entertainment.

Yup, it is definitely fun for me; I would have given up long ago if it weren't, but this is definitely not one of the biggest reasons. Reading a book is more fun for me, but doesn't give the other benefits that blogging does.

I would add to his list a bit:

Motivation. BooMama's Before and After is a perfect example - I've had a house project that I've had on my list to do for years (yes, years). Signing up for her event has definitely been a kick-in-the-pants for me to get moving on it. It's a self-imposed deadline, yes, but with the possibility for some embarrassment attached to it if I don't have something to report. It worked for decorating my house for Christmas too.

Memory. Not just documenting my thoughts as Zach mentioned, but more of a basic "we did this and then that and took a vacation where we did this." I have a terrible memory for events. No joke, it's really really bad. If I read it in a book, I'll remember it, but if I did it or talked about it or visited it, not so much. Both the time spent writing it (and reading the words as they appear on the screen) and then having it to read again later help.

Self-Discipline Improvement Scheme

In my never-ending quest to increase my self-discipline, I've been concentrating on my daily routine. Because I'm a bit (ok, more than just a bit) of an Excel geek, I made a daily worksheet with areas for my top priorities, schedule, dinner plans, etc. So far I've done a good job of filling it out each night with my plans and schedule for the next day, and also of looking at it during the day and seeing what I can accomplish towards my goals.

What I've found really helpful with it is the conscious planning the night before to make sure that I have a task each day that goes toward one of my top goals; it keeps me from filling the list with trivial things that may be important in some ways (clean dishes are nice), but aren't so important in the long-term. So prayer is always first on my list, followed by reading my Bible.

The other part of the form I've found really helpful is the space I left for the scripture I'm trying to memorize. It's right at the top, and between rewriting it each night, and reading over it carefully every time it catches my eye when I look at the list, it's been an easy way to make some scripture memory progress. Because I am still working on that, even if I have stopped posting my week's scripture. I need to start doing that again.

I'm mentioning this whole scheme in the hope that it will help keep me from letting it drop to the wayside in a few weeks when the novelty is gone.

TGIF

You know, I don't usually feel like that - counting down the days until Friday hits and the weekend arrives. But this week has seemed very very long and I am happy to have the weekend here so I can get caught up on some important things. Like sleep.

See, I haven't been sleeping well this week. I've gotten to bed on time (except for Tuesday night when I started reading a book and the next thing I knew it was an hour past my bedtime). I fall asleep fairly easily; it's just that I then wake up. And wake up. And wake up again and again until finally I'm almost glad when it's time to get up for real because the little snippets of sleep just aren't working for me.

It's not that odd for me to not sleep well, but about 99% of the time the problem is with the falling asleep part; once I'm out I usually stay that way until morning. I don't know what to do about this but I'd like it to stop so I can get some real rest.

It's not an excess of caffeine; I have a big cup of tea in the morning and then that's it (well, except for some chocolate but that's nothing new). I don't think I'm excessively stressed. I really have no idea what the deal is, but I'm ready for it to stop now.

Consistency and Self-Discipline: Not My Strongpoints.

So I've learned that in order to blog regularly, I need to blog REGULARLY. Earthshattering, no? Seriously though, it seems like if I'm not making it a goal to post daily (at least on weekdays) it's waaaay too easy to just always say "ah, I'll write something tomorrow...." Lather, rinse, and repeat.

So, yeah, it's June. I've been doing a LOT of reading lately, which is fantastic. I've been doing a lot of baking too, so my husband and coworkers are appreciating that. I've halfway started an exercise program. I say "halfway" because right now it's more important to me to be consistent than it is to do my usual thing of exercising a lot for a day or two and then doing nothing for several months. So I do a little - very little - every day. And I do mean every single day. I've got a streak of about 3 weeks going. After this week I'll add a touch more to it, again with my goal to be consistent rather than lengthy. It can't be any less successful than my previous efforts.

And in my consistency over length attempts in more than just exercise, I'm going to close now and post tomorrow. The only exception is for computer issues/power outages/etc. Because we've lost power a number of times in the last few weeks due to the Midwest storms that are devastating the area. I'm not about to try and figure out a way to work around that if we have another outage.

But other than that? I'm back tomorrow since the entire point of me blogging was to develop a daily habit of writing. Sheesh, it's been a bad stretch for me.

Let's Just Repeat My Last Title, Ok?

Because I really am still here, again.

What have I been doing, since I obviously haven't been blogging? Well, I've read a stack of books. Seriously, a huge stack. Mysteries and biographies and general non-fiction and a couple of young adult books. The evening time I'd been spending blogging I've instead been reading and reading and reading. I'm not always so good with the balance thing - when I'm reading I'm READING and everything else falls to the side. I need to get better at evening it out more - some time reading, some time blogging, some time cleaning (yeah, that gets ignored too), some time playing piano, well, you get the picture.

I also celebrated a birthday in that blogging break I just enjoyed. I did not celebrate it in my usual fashion of taking the day off from work and spending it at home doing whatever I want (which usually means reading 2 or 3 books I've been hoarding for that day). Instead I spent the day at work and instead took the next day off and spent it in my usual manner. :) My boss brought in cupcakes on my birthday and the coconut cream ones were fantastic, to the point where I've found a recipe so I can try and recreate the taste. She actually brought in an assortment of cupcakes and I made my friend split some with me so I could sample more of them - besides the coconut, we had strawberry, black bottom, and "ho-ho." So, yes, that would be two cupcakes each that we finished.

Apparently the cupcakes really did inspire me however because over Memorial Day I spent a lot of time in the kitchen and baked a number of new recipes. I was most proud of the bread I made - first time for me to tackle a yeast bread! I was unbelievably proud of myself for managing that. I'm almost ready to try a pie crust, because yes, I've always been intimidated by that as well.

One thing I have not been doing well recently is planning meals. It's now getting close to time to start fixing dinner and I have no idea at all what to fix. We had pasta last night, burgers on the grill over the weekend, and L had pizza recently at a friend's house so those are all out. I need some inspiration in a hurry so I think I'll go surf some food blogs...

I Really Am Still Here

I haven't dropped off the grid, or given up any attempts at blogging. Life just got beyond me for a bit and I took an unexpected hiatus.

Since I've been gone I/we have had:

• a death in the family (not unexpected, but still, routines went by the wayside, and that included computer time).
  
• a hoard of family visiting for the funeral. And I do mean a hoard. I'm getting practice for that bed-and-breakfast I never wanted to open.
  
• two illnesses. Spring allergies and guests-bearing-germs to blame.
  
• another family visitor.
  
• final bits of construction to finish the guest bathroom. Final touches still to come.
  
• work frustrations and irritations that have just about reached a breaking point.
  
• back spasms that leave me shifting from couch to chair to floor to bed trying desparately to find some position that gives relief from the pain. No idea what brought them on to know what to avoid in the future.

Now I'm trying to reestablish my routines and that's always so much harder than letting them slip originally.

I Have a Problem.

I am addicted to Cadbury Creme Eggs. All my talk of trying to eat healthier, and respecting my body and what I put in it, blah blah blah, it all gets ignored even more than normal once I spot those little "cartons" on the shelf.

And I've learned not to get the miniature ones, because although that seems like a better choice (built-in portion control and all that), it turns out the smaller size is just not satisfying enough so I find myself cracking open one or two or six. The regular size I can limit myself to one a day.

But it is every day. From whenever I first spot them on the shelf until I run out of my stash. And my stash gets replenished whenever I see them at the store. Usually, it ends up being about a month, but that's still an entire month of me eating one of those things every day. Each egg? Turns out to be 150 calories, but it's also the 5 grams of fat and 22 grams of sugars and nothing whatsoever redeeming about it.

And if you know of a source for these goodies beyond the Easter season?
Please, for the sake of my pant-size, please don't tell me.

Yay! It's Friday

And why am I so excited about Friday? Not only does it mean that the weekend is almost here & that's always nice, but most importantly this week it means:

my sweetie gets home tonight!

He's been gone since Monday. I know, anyone with a spouse who travels extensively or is deployed for months at a time is laughing at me, but still. It was a long week and I missed him. I'm not sleeping well without him home, so I'm also looking forward to more restful sleep.

Growing up, I laughed at my dad because he used to say that he couldn't sleep when my mom wasn't there. Now I understand. I've turned out the same way.

Getting There...

And by "there" I mean healthy, not organized or the resident of a clean house or anything. But after last week, halfway healthy is a huge improvement. I actually feel like I may be able to get some projects done around the house this week. And do crazy things like cook dinner.

I've already got my Tuesday post half written. Let's just say it has a theme.

I guess I couldn't avoid it forever

Yeah, so remember my gratitude of last week that I'd managed to avoid the sickness that was running rampant throughout my house? The sinus infections & bronchitis that everyone else had?

Remember that?

Yeah, all I did was delay getting it, not avoid it. I am sick sick sick sick sick. Posting will resume when I feel better. Much better.

Thought-Provoking Questions

I recently found a list of questions on the Girl Talk blog. Designed to encourage accountability and Christian fellowship among women, I thought they were great also for self-reflection. It gives me something to work towards, as I think about how I would answer some of the questions (truthfully, some of them I would answer I don't know. So maybe I should be able to answer.

The questions:

Describe your current practice of the spiritual disciplines.

• Well, I'm working to get a better habit of prayer. I've fallen back into just having mostly on-the-run prayers as I think of them - as I'm going about my day I shoot up quick requests, praises, intercessions etc., but I don't have much of a dedicated prayer time. 
  
• Quiet time & devotional reading I have every morning (and I do have brief prayer time then, but it's mixed in with the other stuff as well). I also read the day's devotional from the One Year NIV Devotional New Testament every evening just before bed. I love this as an evening devotional - it's primarily scripture, and the amount is just right at that time of day. 
  
• I'm, well, I guess I'd call it talking myself into starting to fast. I have some hangups with it relating to my childhood/adolescence but I know it would be good for my spiritual growth. 
  
• At the moment I can't think of any other spiritual disciplines. I'm sure I will as soon as I post this though. 
  

What is a passage of Scripture you have been meditating on recently?
I've got my weekly memory verses, but I can't say that I really meditate on any Scripture. I'm not actually sure what to do to meditate on scripture; I know that sounds silly, but there you have it. I've tried before but it ended up being me just reading the same verse or passage again and again, trying to think about it alone, but finding my mind wandering to anything else.

What fruit of the Spirit are you cultivating?
You know, I've never thought to specifically cultivate a fruit of the Spirit. But I do like that idea. The personal quality I had wanted to work on this year is discipline, and the way I mean it seems like I could call it self-control, so I would say that. I just never thought about it being a fruit of the Spirit.

What sin are you seeking to weaken?
Uh, yeah, transparency while blogging, right? I'm not sure what to call it exactly, besides the lack of self-control/no discipline. Specifically how it is manifested in what I eat, how I don't exercise, and my frequent laziness (sorry, no other word for it) when it comes to housework. It's frustrating, because I have very good self-control in some areas (financial for example) but why can't I translate that into other areas?

How can I pray for you?
Besides that I would grow in self-control? That we would either have a healthy child or we would find peace that parenting is not God's will for our lives. And actually, we had always hoped for 3 - 4 children so I am also needing to come to peace with the fact that based on my age, that possibility is growing more and more dim.

Here is an evidence of grace that I observe in your life.
Ok, this one doesn't really apply since this is where the accountability partner is supposed to answer.

How are you seeking to grow in expressing biblical femininity?
I have no idea how to answer this.